Monday, December 31, 2007

Old song, new style

Here is a song from long ago that I recently re-fashioned. I wrote it for my mother when I was about 20 years old, as I saw her coming to terms with her own mythology around being WMD (Wife Mother Daughter or potential Weapon of Mass Destruction ....... thanx Wendy for that perspective). I really think the song is universal in that it speaks to all of us who recognize our own daze of reckoning. BTW, the title is the combination of the first syllable of each of her names.

So mom's b-day is coming up on February 9th (or is it the 7th???) and I promised her I'd have a CD ready for her. I just realized that 3 of the early songs contained her as a subject:

1. Loireschu
2. On This Ship
3. Seasons of your Soul

Loireschu

Loireschu I can't believe what I am seeing, in silence you dance through your sorrow. Living these years in a love so unfulfilling, and dreams for a brighter tomorrow. In your voice I hear the song of my Lord, a voice I can't afford to ignore.

Loireschu, I can't believe what I am hearing, they've plundered your fountain of youth. They have challenged your wisdom and scrutinized your glory, the bindings, once joined, now, are loose. Eight eyewitnesses that don't give a damn, and I've watched your dreams turn to sand.

Loireschu I can recall when life was younger, when life was a mere feather bed. Then my rose colored glasses got trampled in the scuffle, dark changes that passed through my head. Still your hope remains a beacon in the night: a promise of the days dawning light.

In your voice I hear the song of my Lord, a voice I can't afford to ignore any more.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

New wine in new wineskins

Well why should it be any different? Lotza new directions coming my way, and lotza new issues events and experiences to talk about, too.

Thing #1:
The other day, after 23 years of not using alcohol, following a 15 year period of it dominating my life [age 15 to 30], I reintroduced it into my life. My first experience was a rum and pepsi, which tasted really nasty to me. But it seems like wine is going to be my favorite. I am glad that alcohol is not a foe any longer, something that I must avoid at all costs, for fear that it may rape my life, as it had in the past, prior to my resolving major issues which led to its overuse, and subsequent habit forming usage. Yea, 24 years ago, I was in a cycle of self-medication that included anything that would alter my blood chemistry to the point of me passing out, so as not to deal with life's painful feelings. That was a stressful time of life. I was dealing with the ramifications of roman catholic upbringing -- all that guilt coupled to sexual, emotional, psychic supression. Anyway, I will continue to monitor the situation and let you know how things go. Just wanted to mention that my overarching goal to travel thru life unattached to anything is no longer necessary baggage for me, especially since I have realized that I used that position merely to gain a sense of moral superiority, and set me apart from the rest of my human fellows, which is pretty pathetic, to say the least.

Thing #2:
Sheetz called and all I have to do now is go over and finish the paperwork and work out a schedule, so today I must seize my opportunity to give my notice at my current job. The discussion for my fulltime employment at the church should soon ensue, after the new year begins. I have already been thinking about how to approach building the program.

===================

On other fronts, Wendy, ask Kevin if he remembers the Hertrich's from Fairywood St. I sold a piano yesterday to George and his family. I didn't realize it was him until we were checking out, and he gave me his info. Wow! That's a blast from the past. Although I have to mention, that my friend Diane who visited at Thanksgiving time, and who was my next door neighbor growing up in Broadhead---she and I have remained in touch all of these years, and I consider her to be my oldest friend. We've known each other for at least 45 years.

It sure was great seeing the kids over the holiday, and it is awesome how I am being re-purposed in their lives. It is deeply gratifying and I look forward to our continued and increasing involvment.

Well, I guess I should share some fotos from the holiday so you can check out my family a bit more. This was, incredibly, the first time in I don't know how many years that I got to be with my families when they opened their presents on xmas day. All the other years I was at church preoccupied with worship services.













Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I am not sure why I...

I am not sure why I would use this service when I could just as easily call the person I'm trying to Jott to, but it's convenient for saying something to my blog at the time that it happens when it's still seems pertinent and important I guess. Happy New Year. listen

Powered by Jott

Monday, December 24, 2007

Tis the season....


Yesterday was quite the busy day.

First off, I want to send a big hug to Wendy for the awesome swarovski crystal gift received Saturday sometime around 11pm when I arrived home from work. [sheeesh!] Here it is, the latest addition to the ever evolving collection. It is exquisite and I love it!

Then, the next morning after the 8:30am liturgy at Ressi, I met with a bride whose wedding I will be playing in January. Following that, I went over to Xian and Angela's apartment. Chris played for me the rough drafts of the songs for his new CD, and they are really incredible. All he has down so far is the drums and guitar lines, but it is very reminiscent of the style of 'Yes' in its rhetorical form. He is truly a phenomonal musician. i am not just saying that because I am his father either. You can check out some of the old music here.


Well, after listening we went to see the 'Bodies' exhibit at the Science Center, and that was a powerful experience. If the exhibit comes to your area you should go.....if only to be in the same room with a bunch of people oogling the the penises and vaginas, checking out with squinting eyes to see if, finally, in daylight, they could find the clitoris and g-spot for future reference.

Then about 2pm we flew out of there to meet daughter Mandy and her partner Tonya at LuLu's on Craig street. many always did like those more exotic eatery. We enjoyed a nice Asian meal and of course I got 10 star hot, which still was not hot enough. I am a bit sad because my other daughter Sarah had another plan and would not be there to share a moment of togetherness. I snapped this photo and caught Mandy mid word, but Tonya took a picture of Mandy Xian and I, which she promises to email me once they get back to Maryland. I'll post that later.

So, after that, Chris and I drove over to REI to pick up a sleeping bag for Angela and I took him back home so I could get horizontal for an hour before going back to play the evening service at 6:30pm.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I took my laptop and keyboard controller to the church gig and ran it through the little mixing board, adding a new sound perspective: the organ coming from its main source in the rear of the church, and the synth sound coming through the main house speaker. I used the english horn on the hymn 'Lo! How a Rose E're Blooming' and the good folks were mesmerized. The pastor loved it. Larry the kind gentleman who is always showering me with kudos for a inspiring job well done, came up to the loft to once again compliment me, and the conversation flowed toward the topic of the job opening. I told him that I applied for it as a full time position, and that the worship comittee was interested in the idea, and that it just had to get past the finance comittee, and Larry said, well guess who is the finance committee? That was hilarious; it is him! Ha ha! It will just be a matter of time before my life takes yet another direction and I will soon be working with a wonderful pastor, in a parish community that is ripe for a new 'Resurrection'. We will make a great team.

Today I work for only 6 hours, from noon till 6pm, then I am off till Wednesday (except for playing the 8:30am service on xmas day.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Since i am writing

I may as well go ahead and talk about all the other stuff going on.

Well, last night when I got out of work I was really exhausted; in fact I felt that way from when I first arrived. I was glad to get home last night.

This morning I woke and drove Sue to work so I could use her car to go over and do the Sheetz pre-app. After I did that, I went down to the drug testing place and did the urine test. So I should be hearing right after xmas about when I can start there. After that I drove down to Crivelli's to finalize the details on the new car contract. Wow! I have not had a car/insurance payment this low in 10 years!

In the meantime, I am expecting to hear something from Ressi about the potential for full time employment there.

I need a nap, but that will have to wait till the laundry is done.

That's all for now..... Off to other things, like work at 3pm.....blah humblug [oh, that would be 'new slang' btw...]

Tada! Look at what the stork brought...

Here it is, the new baby:

Thursday, December 20, 2007

More daze

OK, I have made some other decisions which I started to put into motion. But first I want to talk about my Xian encounter on Tuesday. I love him with all my heart....he is my son. i was working and turned around and had a moment of incredible disblief as I saw him standing there. It was surreal; definitely a New Slang moment. I know exactly what James Mercer means by that song title, because I have been to that mountain.... like discovering 'dirt in your fries'. In that short moment of unsolicited and surprise discovery, your perception bounces into a new dimension, the sense of temporal sequence is sharply interrupted, you are immediately, without resolution or temporal synthesis thrust into a place unfettered by the context of approximate time and space. Your reaction and response to such an experience can only be a new utterance, which issues forth from your face, un-meditated: 'What the fuck?', or, in the 60's it was 'far out man!' or some other totally original word phrase. Kinda like Jesus, was God's new slang, a logos uttered from all eternity [come to think of it, so are you and I.....].

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, I was working with a customer, and I turned around and Xian was standing there with his shit-eating grin, and nothing else mattered any longer. Cool how one shows up in a moment of disarmament. Anyhow, after I rang out the customer, we made plans to finally get to see the "Bodies" at the science center. I am going to go over to his place after my morning service at Ressi, and after I meet with a bride whose wedding I will play in January. Then we will go grab some breakfast; he later texted me that he ordered tickets on-line for 12pm. So we are a-going.

Also, I stopped in to talk with Jason at Sheetz, and have to go in for the computer exam, and the urine test AGAIN, since 60 days had lapsed since my last attempt at employment there.
The next new thing I did was to talk with Doris, the contact person for the search committee at Ressi. I told her I would do the job for full-time pay with benefits, and gave a quick and dirty explanation of what they could expect in return. Between the two jobs, I will be doing quite well financially, and will soon be able to have the dental work completed. Also, I can help Xian with his school finances. Oh, yes....he is going to start at CCAC soon.

OK, what else......oh yeah, with all of this new direction, one needs to have a vehicle to make the trip, so I went online last night and looked into a getting a car, so I filled out the application and this morning Brock from Crivelli's called. I am hopefully soon to be the owner of a new aveo5 ls. I just can't expect Suzie's wheels to be available for all the running around I have to do once I begin the new jobs. So today is the day I should find out about the car, and tomorrow is the day I will do the Sheetz thing. There you have it....my life in a nutshell.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Merry Xmas to You!

Ok, so here is what i have been doing with my new toys in my meager spare time. Enjoy! It's my xmas gift to you.

Decisions, decisions......

It has been a while since I blogged...... a whole 9 days. Some things have been brewing in the teapot and I should document the steps of the process, because that's what I like to do, even if for my own purposes, whatever they may be...actually documenting things helps me in retrospect gain understanding of the underlying motives driving my ambitions.
Anyway, almost thru the crazy retail work schedule .... seems no matter what job I do, I can't escape the inevitability of daze of this time of year. However, yesterday I was playing for mass at Ressi, and sitting there thinking about how much I love performing on the organ. I also subbed at St Phil's again, and experienced the opportunity of playing the 28 rank Cassavant. I came to the realization that I never truly happier, or sucked out of the dimension of time, than when I am invested in the art of making music. And let's face it....I just love hymns. I was born to love them. And to play them, and to improvise on their melodies....as sure as a doctor was made to heal, I was made to play music.

So here I am at another crossroads: in light of the recent realization that the particular sales job I am currently doing is not something that I am interested in dontinuing to do for the next 11 years or so, I am thinking about exercising other options.

Here's the main problem with the current job situation: I have been doing 'ok' with sales, and have found myself even surpassing some of the guys who have actually been there for a lot longer than I have. The problem is, I am stuck in a limited sales environment as keyboard sales associate/consultant. In this capacity, I am competing with other sales guys, many who have been there for over a year, and are
a: either department managers, who get all the BIG business that comes into the department or
b: assistant managers who have the ability to roam the entire store selling whatever they want, in any department they want, taking the best business away from the peons.
The truth is, I just don't want to stay on this merry-go-round long enough to move into that kind of a situation, where I am able to have that kind of freedom. Working for minimum wage, plus commission ( but only after I fade my paycheck) is not cutting it. I am working way too long and hard for the compensation. ( If it were just selling, that would be better, but we do mechandising, cleaning, inventory, garbage runs..... it's like slave labor, really).
And, the hours have been horrendous! My whole days are consumed by the act of being employed in this job. I leave to catch the bus between 8:30am or 10:30am, and don't get home till near 11pm. 6 days a week! And on the 7th day, there is NO rest, because I have been playing at church.

So here's my plan: I went back to Jason over at Sheetz and asked about a job there, and he was very accommodating; unfortunately, since it has been over 60 days (just barely) since I last applied, I have to start from the beginning of the process: on-line application, drug test etc. OK, fine, I can do all that. The other side of the spectrum is that I looked at what Ressi is asking of the position they have advertised, and decided I will put in an offer to do the job for full-time for 28K plus benefits, and extra for weddings and funerals( they must be kidding! for what they are asking, only offering part-time). I will even say "give me a year, and see if you think that what I create is worth continuing". Between the two jobs, it will be a bit busy, but at least it will bring me closer to my goal of having the dental work completed, AND I will lease a car, taking Suzie off the hook for having to pick me up from work at gawd awful hours of the day.

So there is a brief, quick, down and dirty thumb nail sketch of what's going on in the teapot these days.

Go ahead, give it to me with both barrels! I figure I'll just do the Sheetz gig for a year. Then I'l go back to concentrating on ust music and maybe even teaching.

On other fronts, at least I am home, where I belong, with friends and family....even tho I am way too busy to spend quality time with them! The other thing is that mom plans to have the other knee done in 6 months, then after that, she is thinking she will go to live with Tim and Esther in San Diego after she recuperates. That hope has totally enlivened her, and it is good to see her positive mood. This has been rough on all of us.

C'est la vie!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Feeling the chaos

Am I intuitive or paranoid? or both?

After dealing the past couple of days at work with the usual midweek inventory routine, I am begining to wonder..... I have concluded that the conglomerate stress is something that I am sensitive to, and while I try to remain objective about it as I navigate the tension of the moment, it invariably leaves me wearing it to some degree or other.

For instance, this past week, this job just seemd to suck, and I was starting to think in other directions; then yesterday I go in to work and had a good day with sales (I actually sold some things when I was not even there!). Also, the operations guy pulls me into his office to thank me for the great job I do keeping the keys room stocked and pop'd and merch'd so nicely. It seems even HIS boss noticed how easy I make it to do inventory there. Whoduh thunk it? I just figured I was giving my inner OCD free reign. One man's floor is another man's ceiling.

So for today, I am actually looking forward to going in and working with people who, over the next couple of weeks will begin to get squirrel-ier and squirrel-ier as they frantically try to complete their xmas shopping. This past week I spent time with a lot of different people who were on the lookout for bargains in the keyboard department, and since we have a 10% off sale this weekend, they are going to come in and make their purchases. Trouble is I am off on Sundays, so I gave them my card and wrote on the back of it the items we had discussed in which they were interested. So that way at least I will get a cut of the commission.

Oh yeah I have to write about what an ass Steven is and how he screwed up a sale I had set up (come to think of it, he does that A LOT, but I gotta head on to work, sans paranoia.

I'll catch up later with you.

.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Keeping in touch

I figured I had better write even if I don't necessarily feel inspired to do so. I always have SOMETHING to say.
For some reason, probably because I have been forcing myself to 'take courage' I have been consistently making more sales at work. It could also have to do with the fact that when the other 'heavy hitters' are not scheduled, I automatically get more customers. QED. Quo Erat demonstratum. It goes without saying..... that which has been demonstrated....etc ... capice?
Also now I seem to be developing a rapport with customers, and they seem to be calling me at work to buy stuff. That's a good thing.
On other fronts, mom is recuperating and seems much healthier now since she was rushed to the hospital with respiratory issues last week. Her medication is bringing her back around, and she is steadily recuperating from the knee surgery of two weeks ago.
I finally got my Logic Pro software working properly, and I think that now that it is, I will reinstall Leopard. It seems that, from what I read on a mac forum, that I needed to remove and trash a preferences file for logic, which was rewiring my hardware incorrectly. that worked because last night, I finally got full program functionality.
Scary though, because I now have more tools, educationally and software-wise, to puts down my musical ideas, in a way I never had before. Trouble is now I am not feeling so much inspiration as I once did. Also, not having a built-in medium for expression (ie, the choir and church music ministry) I find that I have got to look for and create other ways to imagine and envision my musical world. I definitely want to move beyond the realm of mere songwriting and into something that takes a bit more developing. More instrumental poetry if you will. Now where will I find time for that? In the cracks of my life: the early mornings, the late nights and scarcity of time off from work.
h most incredible thing is that I have never in my entire life felt more connected to myself and to 'something deeper': my own truth. And in that truth is the compassion that I genuinely and deeply feel for all humanity and its persons, its creation. I constantly feel on the verge of tears, but its not a sadness as much as it is a joy, but in a strange way, it is a perfectly balanced sense of the bittersweetness of life. I need words to put it into expression.
For the first time in my life I embrace myself as a whole person, with all my proclivities and penchants toward eccentricities, yet realizing that these qualities and characteristics that make up 'me' are not so odd, but rather, are factors contributing to my own unique human being-ness: a wonder, and a way that God himself is 'being' in his world.
Resting in the truth that it's all his and in his hands.
Now that's rest.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

I made it to shore

Here I am again at another Sunday, this one not so crazy. I am actually looking forward to having it off as down time from the job at Guitar Center, since I just came off of a 6 day stretch. Good to be relaxing. I'll still have to play 2 services at the church, one this morning and one this evening. Also I will dash out after the morning service to spend some time with mom, as she continues her recovery from the knee replacement surgery.

As I rerun thru the events of the past week, I must admit it had its share of surprises. For instance, mom on Thursday had to rush by ambulance to the hospital as she was having a hard time breathing with this new post surgery respiratory dis-ease. She was not kept overnight, and came home.

Prior to that, on Thursday I spent some time with Mary Alice helping her get her laundry in order, cleaning up around the house, inside and out. Then I went to work after that, which made for a long day.

The other days were uneventful, although at work, I have been consistently gp-ing about $400 per work day, which basically means I have been getting more and closing more customers. It is always helpful when the heavy hitters are not on the schedule the same time I am, because they really know how to grab those customers. Still in all, I have been developing my own chops, and recognize that I have a knack for working with people. If the universe sends them to me, I will sell them what they want (or in some cases, need). I sold about $15000 worth of stuff last month, my first full month in the retail sales world.

And it has not been without its challenges.

A couple of the guys that I work with (grant it, they are young) have tremendous egos, and are not very helpful when it comes to giving guidance or even answering basic questions requiring a simple yes or no answer. I work very methodically, and ask questions which answers I anticipate will lead me to discovery of the next set of questions. This is the best method for learning, for me, anyway. I learn best from experience, as I engage in the process of doing.

However, yesterday I made a killing at work and damned near 'gonged'. That's when you sell enough stuff to make $1000 in GP (gross profit - your commission). I gp'd at $909, but that did not include the 3 transactions that I made which totaled about 600 in layaway sales, so in effect, I gonged. I was glad to see the end of the day, because I was with a steady stream of customers from 9m till 5pm, and had a few stragglers up till the time I left at 7pm.

On other fronts, I now have completed all of the purchases I made to keep me occupied with my music making.

Well that's all for now, gotta get ready to leave for the service.