Father Hunger?

i just finished reading a thought provoking post dan made [thanks dan!] in response to another thread, and rather than hijack that thread to comment on dan's i thought i would present the topic here for discussion.

what is your take on the whole 'father hunger' thing'?

i confess that anytime i have come across this idea, i have always felt that i somehow missed something, because father hunger is something i have never 'felt' applies to my world of feeling.

my father experience was always one of fear and domination, unapproachability, lacking in either warmth or welcome. as father figures go, regarding church, police, institutions and other authoritarian institutions, they all seem to me to align to the same dynamic exhibited by my own father. this goes as far back as i remember. it is notable that i mention my place in a pack of 6 brothers, none of whom got any more preferential treatment than any of the others. my father did try to become involved in our lives peripherally signing us up for baseball teams, boy scouts, but other than going on a few canoe and camping trips, there was no real exchange of emotion, other than punitive measures taken when any of us got 'out of line'. beyond the perfunctory kiss on the check he applied to mother upon arriving home for dinner, there was no other indication that he had any emotional depth beyond his anger responses.

he himself only had one brother, and his parents began to succumb to alcoholic patterns as they advanced in age, and became increasingly verbally and physically abusive toward each other, which was very apparent when i would be left in their care occasionally, for a summer visit.

i never felt a lack of anything. maybe i just adjusted? but at any rate my brain never became wired for for any connection to him, and i just don't feel as if i am missing anything because of that. i am not sure what it is exactly that guys who claim 'father hunger' are talking about.

i can certainly understand and appreciate the idea of the archetype of 'fatherliness' per se, and i feel that my relationship with the god of my understanding far surpasses the fulfillment of any need a human figure could ever come close to. also, my relationships to educational institutions have mentored and parented in far more complete and effective ways than any mere human model could. maybe the disconnect has happened in his failure to communicate his humanity to me. but then again, as a father myself, i never impressed upon my son the idea that there existed a chasm of any sort between us, and beyond his formative years, i have striven to relate with him as much as possible in a peer to peer dynamic, so as not to give him any kind of indication that i am any more or less than he, a person in need of a guide. i never wanted nor needed to make myself an idol for him to emulate. and while today he admires me for certain qualities that define me as unique, he exhibits no need for anything beyond the healthful exchange of mutual love and respect.

how have you learned to eclipse the idea of father need? do you even think it possible? have i failed to romanticize my father?

are there some axiomatic truths behind all this, or is relative to each person's unique system and situation?