Keeping in touch

I figured I had better write even if I don't necessarily feel inspired to do so. I always have SOMETHING to say.
For some reason, probably because I have been forcing myself to 'take courage' I have been consistently making more sales at work. It could also have to do with the fact that when the other 'heavy hitters' are not scheduled, I automatically get more customers. QED. Quo Erat demonstratum. It goes without saying..... that which has been demonstrated....etc ... capice?
Also now I seem to be developing a rapport with customers, and they seem to be calling me at work to buy stuff. That's a good thing.
On other fronts, mom is recuperating and seems much healthier now since she was rushed to the hospital with respiratory issues last week. Her medication is bringing her back around, and she is steadily recuperating from the knee surgery of two weeks ago.
I finally got my Logic Pro software working properly, and I think that now that it is, I will reinstall Leopard. It seems that, from what I read on a mac forum, that I needed to remove and trash a preferences file for logic, which was rewiring my hardware incorrectly. that worked because last night, I finally got full program functionality.
Scary though, because I now have more tools, educationally and software-wise, to puts down my musical ideas, in a way I never had before. Trouble is now I am not feeling so much inspiration as I once did. Also, not having a built-in medium for expression (ie, the choir and church music ministry) I find that I have got to look for and create other ways to imagine and envision my musical world. I definitely want to move beyond the realm of mere songwriting and into something that takes a bit more developing. More instrumental poetry if you will. Now where will I find time for that? In the cracks of my life: the early mornings, the late nights and scarcity of time off from work.
h most incredible thing is that I have never in my entire life felt more connected to myself and to 'something deeper': my own truth. And in that truth is the compassion that I genuinely and deeply feel for all humanity and its persons, its creation. I constantly feel on the verge of tears, but its not a sadness as much as it is a joy, but in a strange way, it is a perfectly balanced sense of the bittersweetness of life. I need words to put it into expression.
For the first time in my life I embrace myself as a whole person, with all my proclivities and penchants toward eccentricities, yet realizing that these qualities and characteristics that make up 'me' are not so odd, but rather, are factors contributing to my own unique human being-ness: a wonder, and a way that God himself is 'being' in his world.
Resting in the truth that it's all his and in his hands.
Now that's rest.