Blog Blurbs: What is Toxic Shame?

What does it mean to take on toxic shame?


Shame itself is not a 'bad' thing, and is itself a normal human emotion; but Toxic shame does not help to build emotional stability and a healthy sense of self respect and self-esteem.


Toxic shame usually has its roots in the early childhood development stages of the past, and comes about as a result of a child in a vulnerable position being overpowered by expectations and demands of another stronger person, which cause the child to internalize messages which cue them to begin thinking poorly about themselves at an early age.


Usually the person in power is a parental figure or their representative, or a teacher, or a representative of an institution whose opinions have been adopted through public approval as being more credible and worthwhile.


When the weaker person asserts his needs, which are then invalidated by outright rejection, they are left with a sense that because their request is unimportant, that it follows that they themselves are unimportant. Or when they are treated in a harsh, dismissive, or demeaning manner; the child given this treatment feels the 'put-down' of being forced to acquiesce to the preferences of the more powerful person. They end up feeling diminished.


This sense of being discounted becomes normal and eventually establishes a template for life pattern responses, and leaves the more vulnerable person in a disempowered state causing them to question not only their own judgment, but their own needs. This teaches to them to invalidate and ignore the inner voice that arises to give them guidance and direction.


Furthermore, it teaches them to yield their power of self-determination to external sources, causing them to develop attitudes of dependency, always seeking validation from sources outside themselves deemed credible and valid by others.


As the proper exercise of right judgment is inhibited, feelings of low self-worth are continually reinforced creating a vicious cycle of thought patterns that are carried forward from moment to moment.


In order to reclaim now, it is important that one first reject the entrenched notions that they are not smart enough to make decisions on their own, begin to develop faith and trust in their own reasoning powers, allowing them to over-ride the long standing thoughts patterns that say from within "I can't", "I'm not good enough, or worthy enough".