Reentering therapy

well, last week i decided to give myself a new birthday present. i made arrangements to begin a new course of therapy.

i found kay and i was absolutely thrilled with her bio. out of all the therapists in the area, hers resonated with what i needed:

Quote:

“Have you been worried about the same issue for a long time or are you carrying a grief too heavy to bear?

since i have been doing deep delving into the issues of attachment, i have finally gotten to the core of my discomfort and unrest, my low burner anger issue. it was such a relief to see such a compassionate question. i needed that, for sure.

the worrisome issue, packed with grief for me, of course, is the inability to reconcile myself with my family's denial. i have dealt with the sexual abuse by my older brother, and even healed from the trauma of the rapes in my later teen years. but what still remains unresolved for me, is the relationship patterning that became modeled as a result of being part of my particular family system.

i have realized for a long time now, that my next hurdle to jump in recovery, is that of relationships. i'm not talking about romance, although that would be last on the list of those which would need attention. i do realize that once i fix the relationship to my primary caregivers, then i will once again begin to engage in my own developmental process, rather than being stuck in self defeating and repetitive patterns of relating.

learning how i transfer the models of the relationships patterned from within my family of origin onto my friends and others will help to dissolve the offense/defense mechanisms that have kept me safe all these years.

kay will provide the safe and compassionate sounding board for helping me recognize the obstacles to growth. i have needed emotional and psychic support for so long, i really don't know what that will feel like to finally have it.

i went to my first session this evening, and after disclosing my history, and sharing a dialogue with kay, we both feel that this relationship is happening at the right time.

i felt good coming out of the session, and something 'bad' must have been left there, because i noticed there was something different about my attitude for the rest of the evening.