Keeping track of daze

As I sink deeper into the haze of passing days I find it more and more important to mark the events of lack of events that occur in my life, as I wait for the next corner to turn, the event that will propel me off in a new direction, a new dimension of possibility, of sight sound and mind....etc .... a new twilight zone.

Yesterday proved to be a day of challenges. I was surfing the net, checking out the open stages in Pittsburgh, and, to be certain, there are many more of them now than there was 15 years ago when I used to play Rosebud and Bloomfield Street Cafe with some regularity.

So anyway, I was checking out the state of open stage in the burgh, and came across the Club Cafe website. This little space located in the South Side was announcing that Ellis Paul would be performing there that evening, which was quite exciting, as I have been a fan for about 15 years now. I discovered Ellis on my Putamayo compilation CD which showcased him singing "Last at the Table"

Last at the Table from the album Stories

Preacher won't you preach to me,
I need a pint of philosophy.
I'm hurt and thirsty, set me on my way.
Mondays come and Mondays go,
But this one seems to be sort of slow.
Can you tell me sir, when will there come a change?
I'm the one who's last at the table,
I'm the one who never gets the gold.
You're the one who says I'm able,
But you turn your words with lies and fables...
Mothers won't you cry for me,
I'll sell your tears for a token fee
On a street corner where drunk patrons stand laughing.
And they'll stop, they'll stare at me,
Scratch at their heads, "How can this be?"
I'll say, "I was born like you, --
" then I'll startin dancin'...

Hello, Mr. Bureaucrat.
You pick who's thin -- you pick who's fat.
Now what makes you so fit for the shoes you walk in?
In an office space you get a taste
For paper money and paper waste.
Now who gets what depends on who is talking...

© Ellis Paul Publishing (ASCAP) 1994

I loved his sound and his message. Of course, it resonated with me, as at the time, I had a glass half-full mentality, and was into seeing myself as lacking something.

However, as Ellis stayed true to his art , he remains a very passionate and powerful voice. His new CD coming out soon proves to be more of him, but better and more polished, with much more subtle dynamic expression; and he has definitely evolved.

So anyway, I went ahead and purchased a ticket online....I had never been to the Club Cafe before and didn't know what to anticipate as far as seating. All I could think of was my last concert experience which happened to be shared with Wendy when we went to experience the Shins performance at the First Avenue in Minneapolis when I lived there, prior to my foray into the monastic vocation. Our attendance at that concert was not really all that inspiring, even tho James Mercer was indeed at his best, and I just loved being in the same room with him and the band. The thing that kinda ruined the experience for me was the fact that people all around were talking as if they had paid good money for nothing. I mean, if we all paid for the privilige of being in the space, then shut the fuck up and let everyone enjoy the benefit of their dime. Jeez! So here I am, anticipating going to hear Ellis, with this black cloud hovering, and wondering if I really wanted to bother. I tried to talk myself out of going; after all, I would need to take the bus, and would have to walk over to the South Side from downtown, which I really didn't mind, cause I love to walk; and then of course there was the chance of rain.... many different excuses for not staying home and just doing the easiest thing for the evening: sitting at the computer, mindlessly surfing the internet, thinking about what I would do for dinner......the whole escape into preoccupation with sensual satisfaction.

I actually had to give myself a pep talk, to help me realize that were I to just stay home and veg, then I would be missing an opportunity to expand my horizons....that it would probably be a good thing to get out and experience the type of sound system that was installed in the venue, you know, good for the new career that I am about to enter in sales for Guitar Center. Of course, I wanted to just sitck with what was predictable, comfortable. Going to hear Ellis meant so many new things, which all seemed like so many hurdles to jumb, and I wouldn't muster up the motivation to lift my leg to take the first step. Boy, do I feel a bit stupid admitting all this. Did I have the energy to walk down to the bus stop, walk across town, sit in alone in a roomful of strangers? NO!

But, I went anyway. I pushed myself out the door, stood at the bus stop waiting as the homebound passers-by in cars gawked and I gawked back. I got off the bus at the Duquesne Incline and crossed Carson street, rather than take the entire trip into town, I walked to the South Side along the river where they have now now have a bikeway.

Once I was there my attitude shifted from indecisive to gratitude for having decided to go after all, because the walk alone was worth the time. If you have never been to Pittsburgh in the fall, you are missing an incredible experience. Invariably, no matter where you are in this town, you are surrounded on all sides by sloping hillsides covered with trees, and now those tress are beginning to show their best fall foliage. Exquisite! I was so moved by the beauty of the living artistic moment, and realized it was a unique moment that would not have been otherwise experienced, had I just stayed home. The 45 minute walk from the bus stop to the Club Cafe was the high point of my month! And it was certainly a disarming moment, taking my mind off of the pressure of the last 6 weeks to market myself in a new location, seeking a job and all that goes with that. I was really, really glad I went.