Old song, new style

Here is a song from long ago that I recently re-fashioned. I wrote it for my mother when I was about 20 years old, as I saw her coming to terms with her own mythology around being WMD (Wife Mother Daughter or potential Weapon of Mass Destruction ....... thanx Wendy for that perspective). I really think the song is universal in that it speaks to all of us who recognize our own daze of reckoning. BTW, the title is the combination of the first syllable of each of her names.

So mom's b-day is coming up on February 9th (or is it the 7th???) and I promised her I'd have a CD ready for her. I just realized that 3 of the early songs contained her as a subject:

1. Loireschu
2. On This Ship
3. Seasons of your Soul

Loireschu

Loireschu I can't believe what I am seeing, in silence you dance through your sorrow. Living these years in a love so unfulfilling, and dreams for a brighter tomorrow. In your voice I hear the song of my Lord, a voice I can't afford to ignore.

Loireschu, I can't believe what I am hearing, they've plundered your fountain of youth. They have challenged your wisdom and scrutinized your glory, the bindings, once joined, now, are loose. Eight eyewitnesses that don't give a damn, and I've watched your dreams turn to sand.

Loireschu I can recall when life was younger, when life was a mere feather bed. Then my rose colored glasses got trampled in the scuffle, dark changes that passed through my head. Still your hope remains a beacon in the night: a promise of the days dawning light.

In your voice I hear the song of my Lord, a voice I can't afford to ignore any more.

New wine in new wineskins

Well why should it be any different? Lotza new directions coming my way, and lotza new issues events and experiences to talk about, too.

Thing #1:
The other day, after 23 years of not using alcohol, following a 15 year period of it dominating my life [age 15 to 30], I reintroduced it into my life. My first experience was a rum and pepsi, which tasted really nasty to me. But it seems like wine is going to be my favorite. I am glad that alcohol is not a foe any longer, something that I must avoid at all costs, for fear that it may rape my life, as it had in the past, prior to my resolving major issues which led to its overuse, and subsequent habit forming usage. Yea, 24 years ago, I was in a cycle of self-medication that included anything that would alter my blood chemistry to the point of me passing out, so as not to deal with life's painful feelings. That was a stressful time of life. I was dealing with the ramifications of roman catholic upbringing -- all that guilt coupled to sexual, emotional, psychic supression. Anyway, I will continue to monitor the situation and let you know how things go. Just wanted to mention that my overarching goal to travel thru life unattached to anything is no longer necessary baggage for me, especially since I have realized that I used that position merely to gain a sense of moral superiority, and set me apart from the rest of my human fellows, which is pretty pathetic, to say the least.

Thing #2:
Sheetz called and all I have to do now is go over and finish the paperwork and work out a schedule, so today I must seize my opportunity to give my notice at my current job. The discussion for my fulltime employment at the church should soon ensue, after the new year begins. I have already been thinking about how to approach building the program.

===================

On other fronts, Wendy, ask Kevin if he remembers the Hertrich's from Fairywood St. I sold a piano yesterday to George and his family. I didn't realize it was him until we were checking out, and he gave me his info. Wow! That's a blast from the past. Although I have to mention, that my friend Diane who visited at Thanksgiving time, and who was my next door neighbor growing up in Broadhead---she and I have remained in touch all of these years, and I consider her to be my oldest friend. We've known each other for at least 45 years.

It sure was great seeing the kids over the holiday, and it is awesome how I am being re-purposed in their lives. It is deeply gratifying and I look forward to our continued and increasing involvment.

Well, I guess I should share some fotos from the holiday so you can check out my family a bit more. This was, incredibly, the first time in I don't know how many years that I got to be with my families when they opened their presents on xmas day. All the other years I was at church preoccupied with worship services.

I am not sure why I...

I am not sure why I would use this service when I could just as easily call the person I'm trying to Jott to, but it's convenient for saying something to my blog at the time that it happens when it's still seems pertinent and important I guess. Happy New Year. listen

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Tis the season....

Yesterday was quite the busy day.

First off, I want to send a big hug to Wendy for the awesome swarovski crystal gift received Saturday sometime around 11pm when I arrived home from work. [sheeesh!] Here it is, the latest addition to the ever evolving collection. It is exquisite and I love it!

Then, the next morning after the 8:30am liturgy at Ressi, I met with a bride whose wedding I will be playing in January. Following that, I went over to Xian and Angela's apartment. Chris played for me the rough drafts of the songs for his new CD, and they are really incredible. All he has down so far is the drums and guitar lines, but it is very reminiscent of the style of 'Yes' in its rhetorical form. He is truly a phenomonal musician. i am not just saying that because I am his father either. You can check out some of the old music here.


Well, after listening we went to see the 'Bodies' exhibit at the Science Center, and that was a powerful experience. If the exhibit comes to your area you should go.....if only to be in the same room with a bunch of people oogling the the penises and vaginas, checking out with squinting eyes to see if, finally, in daylight, they could find the clitoris and g-spot for future reference.

Then about 2pm we flew out of there to meet daughter Mandy and her partner Tonya at LuLu's on Craig street. many always did like those more exotic eatery. We enjoyed a nice Asian meal and of course I got 10 star hot, which still was not hot enough. I am a bit sad because my other daughter Sarah had another plan and would not be there to share a moment of togetherness. I snapped this photo and caught Mandy mid word, but Tonya took a picture of Mandy Xian and I, which she promises to email me once they get back to Maryland. I'll post that later.

So, after that, Chris and I drove over to REI to pick up a sleeping bag for Angela and I took him back home so I could get horizontal for an hour before going back to play the evening service at 6:30pm.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I took my laptop and keyboard controller to the church gig and ran it through the little mixing board, adding a new sound perspective: the organ coming from its main source in the rear of the church, and the synth sound coming through the main house speaker. I used the english horn on the hymn 'Lo! How a Rose E're Blooming' and the good folks were mesmerized. The pastor loved it. Larry the kind gentleman who is always showering me with kudos for a inspiring job well done, came up to the loft to once again compliment me, and the conversation flowed toward the topic of the job opening. I told him that I applied for it as a full time position, and that the worship comittee was interested in the idea, and that it just had to get past the finance comittee, and Larry said, well guess who is the finance committee? That was hilarious; it is him! Ha ha! It will just be a matter of time before my life takes yet another direction and I will soon be working with a wonderful pastor, in a parish community that is ripe for a new 'Resurrection'. We will make a great team.

Today I work for only 6 hours, from noon till 6pm, then I am off till Wednesday (except for playing the 8:30am service on xmas day.

Check it out

Since i am writing

I may as well go ahead and talk about all the other stuff going on.

Well, last night when I got out of work I was really exhausted; in fact I felt that way from when I first arrived. I was glad to get home last night.

This morning I woke and drove Sue to work so I could use her car to go over and do the Sheetz pre-app. After I did that, I went down to the drug testing place and did the urine test. So I should be hearing right after xmas about when I can start there. After that I drove down to Crivelli's to finalize the details on the new car contract. Wow! I have not had a car/insurance payment this low in 10 years!

In the meantime, I am expecting to hear something from Ressi about the potential for full time employment there.

I need a nap, but that will have to wait till the laundry is done.

That's all for now..... Off to other things, like work at 3pm.....blah humblug [oh, that would be 'new slang' btw...]

Tada! Look at what the stork brought...

Here it is, the new baby:

More daze

OK, I have made some other decisions which I started to put into motion. But first I want to talk about my Xian encounter on Tuesday. I love him with all my heart....he is my son. i was working and turned around and had a moment of incredible disblief as I saw him standing there. It was surreal; definitely a New Slang moment. I know exactly what James Mercer means by that song title, because I have been to that mountain.... like discovering 'dirt in your fries'. In that short moment of unsolicited and surprise discovery, your perception bounces into a new dimension, the sense of temporal sequence is sharply interrupted, you are immediately, without resolution or temporal synthesis thrust into a place unfettered by the context of approximate time and space. Your reaction and response to such an experience can only be a new utterance, which issues forth from your face, un-meditated: 'What the fuck?', or, in the 60's it was 'far out man!' or some other totally original word phrase. Kinda like Jesus, was God's new slang, a logos uttered from all eternity [come to think of it, so are you and I.....].

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, I was working with a customer, and I turned around and Xian was standing there with his shit-eating grin, and nothing else mattered any longer. Cool how one shows up in a moment of disarmament. Anyhow, after I rang out the customer, we made plans to finally get to see the "Bodies" at the science center. I am going to go over to his place after my morning service at Ressi, and after I meet with a bride whose wedding I will play in January. Then we will go grab some breakfast; he later texted me that he ordered tickets on-line for 12pm. So we are a-going.

Also, I stopped in to talk with Jason at Sheetz, and have to go in for the computer exam, and the urine test AGAIN, since 60 days had lapsed since my last attempt at employment there. The next new thing I did was to talk with Doris, the contact person for the search committee at Ressi. I told her I would do the job for full-time pay with benefits, and gave a quick and dirty explanation of what they could expect in return. Between the two jobs, I will be doing quite well financially, and will soon be able to have the dental work completed. Also, I can help Xian with his school finances. Oh, yes....he is going to start at CCAC soon.

OK, what else......oh yeah, with all of this new direction, one needs to have a vehicle to make the trip, so I went online last night and looked into a getting a car, so I filled out the application and this morning Brock from Crivelli's called. I am hopefully soon to be the owner of a new aveo5 ls. I just can't expect Suzie's wheels to be available for all the running around I have to do once I begin the new jobs. So today is the day I should find out about the car, and tomorrow is the day I will do the Sheetz thing. There you have it....my life in a nutshell.

Merry Xmas to You!

Ok, so here is what i have been doing with my new toys in my meager spare time. Enjoy! It's my xmas gift to you.

Decisions, decisions......

It has been a while since I blogged...... a whole 9 days. Some things have been brewing in the teapot and I should document the steps of the process, because that's what I like to do, even if for my own purposes, whatever they may be...actually documenting things helps me in retrospect gain understanding of the underlying motives driving my ambitions.
Anyway, almost thru the crazy retail work schedule .... seems no matter what job I do, I can't escape the inevitability of daze of this time of year. However, yesterday I was playing for mass at Ressi, and sitting there thinking about how much I love performing on the organ. I also subbed at St Phil's again, and experienced the opportunity of playing the 28 rank Cassavant. I came to the realization that I never truly happier, or sucked out of the dimension of time, than when I am invested in the art of making music. And let's face it....I just love hymns. I was born to love them. And to play them, and to improvise on their melodies....as sure as a doctor was made to heal, I was made to play music.

So here I am at another crossroads: in light of the recent realization that the particular sales job I am currently doing is not something that I am interested in dontinuing to do for the next 11 years or so, I am thinking about exercising other options.

Here's the main problem with the current job situation: I have been doing 'ok' with sales, and have found myself even surpassing some of the guys who have actually been there for a lot longer than I have. The problem is, I am stuck in a limited sales environment as keyboard sales associate/consultant. In this capacity, I am competing with other sales guys, many who have been there for over a year, and are
a: either department managers, who get all the BIG business that comes into the department or
b: assistant managers who have the ability to roam the entire store selling whatever they want, in any department they want, taking the best business away from the peons.
The truth is, I just don't want to stay on this merry-go-round long enough to move into that kind of a situation, where I am able to have that kind of freedom. Working for minimum wage, plus commission ( but only after I fade my paycheck) is not cutting it. I am working way too long and hard for the compensation. ( If it were just selling, that would be better, but we do mechandising, cleaning, inventory, garbage runs..... it's like slave labor, really).
And, the hours have been horrendous! My whole days are consumed by the act of being employed in this job. I leave to catch the bus between 8:30am or 10:30am, and don't get home till near 11pm. 6 days a week! And on the 7th day, there is NO rest, because I have been playing at church.

So here's my plan: I went back to Jason over at Sheetz and asked about a job there, and he was very accommodating; unfortunately, since it has been over 60 days (just barely) since I last applied, I have to start from the beginning of the process: on-line application, drug test etc. OK, fine, I can do all that. The other side of the spectrum is that I looked at what Ressi is asking of the position they have advertised, and decided I will put in an offer to do the job for full-time for 28K plus benefits, and extra for weddings and funerals( they must be kidding! for what they are asking, only offering part-time). I will even say "give me a year, and see if you think that what I create is worth continuing". Between the two jobs, it will be a bit busy, but at least it will bring me closer to my goal of having the dental work completed, AND I will lease a car, taking Suzie off the hook for having to pick me up from work at gawd awful hours of the day.

So there is a brief, quick, down and dirty thumb nail sketch of what's going on in the teapot these days.

Go ahead, give it to me with both barrels! I figure I'll just do the Sheetz gig for a year. Then I'l go back to concentrating on ust music and maybe even teaching.

On other fronts, at least I am home, where I belong, with friends and family....even tho I am way too busy to spend quality time with them! The other thing is that mom plans to have the other knee done in 6 months, then after that, she is thinking she will go to live with Tim and Esther in San Diego after she recuperates. That hope has totally enlivened her, and it is good to see her positive mood. This has been rough on all of us.

C'est la vie!

Feeling the chaos

Am I intuitive or paranoid? or both?

After dealing the past couple of days at work with the usual midweek inventory routine, I am begining to wonder..... I have concluded that the conglomerate stress is something that I am sensitive to, and while I try to remain objective about it as I navigate the tension of the moment, it invariably leaves me wearing it to some degree or other.

For instance, this past week, this job just seemd to suck, and I was starting to think in other directions; then yesterday I go in to work and had a good day with sales (I actually sold some things when I was not even there!). Also, the operations guy pulls me into his office to thank me for the great job I do keeping the keys room stocked and pop'd and merch'd so nicely. It seems even HIS boss noticed how easy I make it to do inventory there. Whoduh thunk it? I just figured I was giving my inner OCD free reign. One man's floor is another man's ceiling.

So for today, I am actually looking forward to going in and working with people who, over the next couple of weeks will begin to get squirrel-ier and squirrel-ier as they frantically try to complete their xmas shopping. This past week I spent time with a lot of different people who were on the lookout for bargains in the keyboard department, and since we have a 10% off sale this weekend, they are going to come in and make their purchases. Trouble is I am off on Sundays, so I gave them my card and wrote on the back of it the items we had discussed in which they were interested. So that way at least I will get a cut of the commission.

Oh yeah I have to write about what an ass Steven is and how he screwed up a sale I had set up (come to think of it, he does that A LOT, but I gotta head on to work, sans paranoia.

I'll catch up later with you.

.

Keeping in touch

I figured I had better write even if I don't necessarily feel inspired to do so. I always have SOMETHING to say.
For some reason, probably because I have been forcing myself to 'take courage' I have been consistently making more sales at work. It could also have to do with the fact that when the other 'heavy hitters' are not scheduled, I automatically get more customers. QED. Quo Erat demonstratum. It goes without saying..... that which has been demonstrated....etc ... capice?
Also now I seem to be developing a rapport with customers, and they seem to be calling me at work to buy stuff. That's a good thing.
On other fronts, mom is recuperating and seems much healthier now since she was rushed to the hospital with respiratory issues last week. Her medication is bringing her back around, and she is steadily recuperating from the knee surgery of two weeks ago.
I finally got my Logic Pro software working properly, and I think that now that it is, I will reinstall Leopard. It seems that, from what I read on a mac forum, that I needed to remove and trash a preferences file for logic, which was rewiring my hardware incorrectly. that worked because last night, I finally got full program functionality.
Scary though, because I now have more tools, educationally and software-wise, to puts down my musical ideas, in a way I never had before. Trouble is now I am not feeling so much inspiration as I once did. Also, not having a built-in medium for expression (ie, the choir and church music ministry) I find that I have got to look for and create other ways to imagine and envision my musical world. I definitely want to move beyond the realm of mere songwriting and into something that takes a bit more developing. More instrumental poetry if you will. Now where will I find time for that? In the cracks of my life: the early mornings, the late nights and scarcity of time off from work.
h most incredible thing is that I have never in my entire life felt more connected to myself and to 'something deeper': my own truth. And in that truth is the compassion that I genuinely and deeply feel for all humanity and its persons, its creation. I constantly feel on the verge of tears, but its not a sadness as much as it is a joy, but in a strange way, it is a perfectly balanced sense of the bittersweetness of life. I need words to put it into expression.
For the first time in my life I embrace myself as a whole person, with all my proclivities and penchants toward eccentricities, yet realizing that these qualities and characteristics that make up 'me' are not so odd, but rather, are factors contributing to my own unique human being-ness: a wonder, and a way that God himself is 'being' in his world.
Resting in the truth that it's all his and in his hands.
Now that's rest.

I made it to shore

Here I am again at another Sunday, this one not so crazy. I am actually looking forward to having it off as down time from the job at Guitar Center, since I just came off of a 6 day stretch. Good to be relaxing. I'll still have to play 2 services at the church, one this morning and one this evening. Also I will dash out after the morning service to spend some time with mom, as she continues her recovery from the knee replacement surgery.

As I rerun thru the events of the past week, I must admit it had its share of surprises. For instance, mom on Thursday had to rush by ambulance to the hospital as she was having a hard time breathing with this new post surgery respiratory dis-ease. She was not kept overnight, and came home.

Prior to that, on Thursday I spent some time with Mary Alice helping her get her laundry in order, cleaning up around the house, inside and out. Then I went to work after that, which made for a long day.

The other days were uneventful, although at work, I have been consistently gp-ing about $400 per work day, which basically means I have been getting more and closing more customers. It is always helpful when the heavy hitters are not on the schedule the same time I am, because they really know how to grab those customers. Still in all, I have been developing my own chops, and recognize that I have a knack for working with people. If the universe sends them to me, I will sell them what they want (or in some cases, need). I sold about $15000 worth of stuff last month, my first full month in the retail sales world.

And it has not been without its challenges.

A couple of the guys that I work with (grant it, they are young) have tremendous egos, and are not very helpful when it comes to giving guidance or even answering basic questions requiring a simple yes or no answer. I work very methodically, and ask questions which answers I anticipate will lead me to discovery of the next set of questions. This is the best method for learning, for me, anyway. I learn best from experience, as I engage in the process of doing.

However, yesterday I made a killing at work and damned near 'gonged'. That's when you sell enough stuff to make $1000 in GP (gross profit - your commission). I gp'd at $909, but that did not include the 3 transactions that I made which totaled about 600 in layaway sales, so in effect, I gonged. I was glad to see the end of the day, because I was with a steady stream of customers from 9m till 5pm, and had a few stragglers up till the time I left at 7pm.

On other fronts, I now have completed all of the purchases I made to keep me occupied with my music making.

Well that's all for now, gotta get ready to leave for the service.

check it out

I just finished a sketch of the ronsong "seasons of your soul" written way back when. Check it out when you have a moment. Let me know what you think.


SEASONS OF YOUR SOUL
© Ron Schulz

Roses for the springtime
she sacrificed her own and took his name
Promising to never love another more
Planting seeds in fertile seasons
was agreed would be reason
to keep love alive
to help prolong the family tribe
She bartered wealth for peace
according to that western bible's bribe

When the summer lures you
away into the arms of feeling proud
Unaware, this is where the past begins
Then in loving's vague endeavor
Summer loses you forever
to the charms
of a richer bounty's arms
Denying shelter in the safety of
that western bible's bribe

Fall-
the harvest is taken in
The cold winter wind begins to loom
while naked in the moon
bare trees are natures tombstones in
the seasons of your soul

Now the frozen river
skaters skim the surace while below
prisoners gaze through empty eyes of soorow
Campfires blaze, still bodies shiver
Hell is just a frozen river
and it will remain
till springtime comes around and then
She'll plant her seeds again according to
that western bible's bribe

time gone again

Now a whole week has passed almost since I have last blogged. I prefer to keep current with my updates, but it was a crazy week with the holidays and mom being in the hospital and coming home.

Black Friday I worked 16 hours and then Saturday I worked 11. I have to confess also, that since I got my new toys, I have been spending all my free time playing with them.

So soon I should have a new song ready soon: "Season of Your Soul". Not really a new song, but just a recently recorded song, written, as most of my songs were about the age of 20, but really timeless.

Also, at work, we all have to put in 6 day weeks as we approach the holiday.

How life go from being so simple and pensive to being so full to urgency in a such a short time?

.....

I was many people, many places yesterday

Yesterday I found myself in many mansions.

I got out of work at 3pm and revisited Ya Fei chinese restaurant while waiting for Suze to come and pick me up.

Before that I stopped into CompUSA to grab some memory for my 'old' imac17. It seems the imac needs at least 512MB to run the new synthesis software, so now I have the macbook pro and the imac, which is nice, because what one can't do the other one can...and besides the macbook is portable.

So Suze picked me up, and it was right around the start of rush hour and I had to stop at the bank and deposit all the funds I had accrued for the past couple of weeks. Then after that we had to go pick up Tom and head over to the hospital to visit mom in the North Hills side of town. It was like trying to run in mud, trying to get to the hospital, but we made it.

It was a very nice visit...... our Joe is in town for Thanksgiving as well, and that was really good to see him, and extra good because he gave me a check for half of the money I loaned him a couple of years back when he was moving. It was unexpected, but very welcome, and now I feel good that I'll be able to soon pay off the new toys I got recently and move on to saving for phase 3 of my dental work. Yea!

Quick review

So yesterday was a pretty awesome day....I had some new experiences and made some new acquaintances.

The gig at Emmanuel Methodist was fun, and they want me to come and help with their cantata on 12/9.

I took a pic of St Phil's church, the church my grandfather, mother and I went to school in:



It sure is a beautiful church.

After that I went to hook-up with my son Xian and his girl, Angela and here they are:

So we went and had a meal at this place called Aladdin's. The food was a bit mid-eastern and quite delicious. We actually had a feast. It was really great to catch up with Xian and we're going to get together soon for some recording. Sounds like fun. I love him and really have missed sharing his life on deeper levels while I was lost in the midwest for the last 8 years.

craezee bizzie daze

Yes, today will be one of them.

Mom went in to have the knee replacement surgery for BOTH knees on thursday last. However, because they were both in such bad shape the Dr only had time to do the one. So she woke up to the news that she would have to turn around and do it again in 6 months. This 79 y/o woman has been the paces with pain. And she has developed a high tolerance for it. Talked with her last night and everyone is just amazed at how well she is doing already with her therapy. Go Mom!

Today I have 4 services to play at various churches in the area:

8:30am
10:30am
12pm
6:30pm

In between all that I am going to have lunch with my son Xian and his girl Angela (pictures to be provided.

Then after the days chores are finished I'll shoot over to the hospital for a visit to see mom.

Geez I am one busy guy......

On other fronts, I ordered some new musical toys and as it turns out the one audio interface does not work with Leopard.......yet! Oh well, they'll eventually iron things out.....just in time for me to start working on my next symphony, and not a moment too soon. LOL.

Gotta go, catch you later with the update.

....

Last Night's Concert

Well, I went with Donna and Mary Alice to the Sanctus Real Concert last night, which was really a Steven Curtis Chapman concert. SR only sang 5 songs! They were on stage for about 20+ minutes. Bummer! It is a good thing Wendy did not fly over here to hear/see them. There would have been grave disappointment. The one good thing going for the experience is that the last (and only other) time I heard them live, they were so loud that it was really hard to enjoy them. This time the music was at hearing level.


So regarding the suggestion that I say 'hi' to the band, it was kinda tough with a blind lady in tow. You kinda have to move at her speed and of course there was a huge crowd, and it was hard enough just to navigate through that...at any rate, the boys were nowhere to be found by the time we made our way to the door. It would have been nice to make a personal video message from them to you, but all I ended up with was this crappy one from the balcony. Oh, BTW, I loved our seats.

Shins 'Sleeping Lessons'

Here you go: the guys make this available on their 'myspace' page

Rage-oholism

Child Abuse Sux

Well we're goin....

Talked with Donna B last night and we are definitely going to Sanctus Real. Actually, Steven Curtis Chapman will be performing too, but, I won't complain about that; however, he would most likely see himself as the main attraction. It was a fluke that I remembered, but remember, I did. It was during a telephone chat that as we were setting up a day into the weeke when we could get together to share a meal. Then as we were planning and I was checking the wee's work schedule which had just come out that day, it turned out that I was off on Wednesday the 14th, and lo and behold, the angels within tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me that the boys would be a Orchard Hill Church on the bill with Steven CC, so in a moment of 'aha!!!' we decided that we would hit a restaurant then attend the concert. Donna has not experienced SR, but she knows SCC from our days when I was music minister at St Phil's and we would do weddings....we would often do SCC's "I Will Be Here". After making the plan I got off the phone and immediately called Janet (she was not home) to see if she wanted to join in the festivities. I went ahead and ordered a ticket for her anyway; if she can't get out of 'choir practice', then I will just try to sell the third ticket under cost when I get there, or maybe find someone else in the meantime to go with us.

So that's that.

On other fronts, next Sunday will be a very busy day, because I got 2 more church gigs to play. The amazing things is that they both fit into the schedule: one of them is a 10:30am at Emmanuel Lutheran in Elliot, then a nooner at St Phil's (yes, the new guy for some reason felt a nudge to ask for my sub services.) Well, so much for a day of rest.

Now I am getting ready to drive Sue to work, and I'll be off to Mary Alice's to help her out this morning till 10:30am. My work schedule starts at noon today, which is a bit earlier than the usual 2pm starting time. You never know with that work schedule what's going to happen.

Ciao for now.....

New Day

So we've arrived at Sunday once again.

Work went well yesterday. There were a few moments of calm.....not like last week when I couldn't get out the door. Acutally stayed an hour later than I was supposed to yesterday. There is this really interesting thing that happens in this work, and all the sales guys seem to fall into it. It's about the scheduling: you may be scheduled to work a certain on a certain day, but nobody cares if you come in and start early or stay later. As long as you are fading your pay that is. So people come in and just hang out ...well, not exactly hang out, but hang around trying to 'get' the next customer. The reason why this is important is because of the intense competition among people in the department, and in between all the departments. Everyone is striving to be top dawg in sales for the day, trying to trump the top of the deck. And you always know exactly where you are at any givin point in the day.

So of course, I am feeling a bit diminished in the shadows of some these giants who have been doing this kind of work for years. Don't get me wrong, it is noble work, and consumers are truly being served a product that is good and necessary for the fulfillment of their personal dreams. But the competition among associates is tremendous. So very different from my former vocation where I was the central hub of activity. Now I just another molecule in the swirl of electrons and protons frenetically orbiting around some nucleus.

SInce it's Sunday I have to leave so I can play for the service at the church in south hills, and immediately after that I will go to GC for the mandatory Sunday morning training session. Even though I am off, I will stay and 'hang out' a bit today, because I had talked with so many customers over the last couple of days who called to inquire about products, and said they would be in on Sunday to buy them. That sux, but that's sales.

Many of the people who came in yesterday were merely in the store at all because they were begining to check out their options for xmas gifts, browsing, getting ideas. After all it is only 6 weeks away. So, with all the other sales guys, I will spend a lot of time at the job, waiting for the next opportunity to sell sell sell.

There's something incredibly enthralling about this whole thing. It certainly ain't the money....prostitutes get paid a helluva lot more. Just goes to show that sex is so overrated.

....

Got a new phone today

Yea, I'm moving on up! Got my new phone and fo# which I'll have to send you in an email when I have a moment of lucidity.

Other than that, received my first paycheck from GC and truthfully, its pretty grim, but then again I was used to making bigger bucks in the midwest. I am begining to think along other lines suddenly.....hmmmmm.

Well, gotta get to work. Today being Saturday will, hopefully be encouraging.

I'll write more later when I'm off.

Interesting day at work

Had an interesting day at work yesterday. Actually, arrived there much earlier than anticipated because the busses were on time and I made good connections. Since I got there early I spent some time doing my 'A' level Keyboard/Recording certification and I passed. I am officially certified! Haha! Now I move on to my Pro Audio certs, which will be much more difficult, and will take a long time to do.

Beyond that, it was a slower day; we have been mechandising for the past week getting ready for the xmas rush, and the department has been in disarray --- make that squalor --- but now things are coming together nicely. I sold a Yamaha piano YPG625 with peripherals, and had a couple of other sales too. Got someone into a MPC Drum machine, which was really cool. So all in all I had a great day.... a long day.... but great.

Oh yea, I connected with Mandy finally yesterday and asked her to send me Xian's fo#; she emailed me back saying her phone had been out of commission and that the batteries needed revived, and his number was in the dead phone, so I will get it as soon as it revives. I am anxious to reconnect with X as well, so I can go see and hear his band.

Oh yea, it was very difficult, but I stayed up til Jay Leno was over last night. I turned him on to watch his monologue, then I was going to go to sleep, but he announced that the Shins would be be performing; of course they always put bands on in the last 5 minutes....argh!.... but I love James Mercer, no, make that double love James Mercer. Anyway they performed 'Sea Legs' from Wincing the Night Away. Oh James, why are you so nervous in front of TV cameras? His songs, when he sings on TV always start out so badly, out of tune, but then he gets into about half-way thru the song. Also, this show was a repeat broadcast because Jay mentioned something about their upcoming performance in October.

So off to work today... I go in at 2pm and work til close. Friday. Payday. It will be very different than the paychecks I used to get. Oh well, that's OK. I am loving my new life. It's an even trade.

Walking my talk

Ok, I am always preaching to everyone else about the responsibility they have to keep all of us who care abreast of the current drama in their lives; however over the past week I find that
I myself have sorely lacked in taking my own advice, and that is due to a myriad of factors mainly those beyond my control. Since having become employed, I have no time for anything like blogging, it seems!

Just a quick run down on where I have been over the past week:

for the last two Sundays I have playing two Sunday services at Resurrection in Brookline, one early morning and one later inthe evening. It works out so when I have to go to work, I am able to squeeze it all in. Also, last week was a holy day, and so I had two to play on Thursday. My free time is becoming more and more costly, more a premium, it seems.


Now I am officially off 'training' status, and a regular employee. I am not quite sure what that means for now, but I have been having Wednesday off and Sunday off and it's kinda cool to just have to go when I am scheduled.

When I think of the mid-Novembers of the last 30 years and how I would have been compulsively preoccupied with getting ready for Advent and Xmas, I breathe such a sigh of relief to wake up in the morning and just have to deal with the tasks of the day. No long range crap, just here and now. Sweeeeeet.

Other than that, I had a very successful day on Saturday when I was top salesperson for about an hour, then closed at #3. Haha! That was Saturday after all, but I am coming to understand that sales is both technique and providence. Especially in the keyboard department.

Take for example the guys who are in the guitar department. I mean the name of the business IS 'Guitar Center" after all, not "Keyboard Center'. If someone comes to buy a guitar, they are coming in to invest in a status symbol. You spend 300 clams for an electric guitar, now you have just increased your coolness factor exponentially. On the other hand, come in and pluck down the same amount of change for a keyboard, well, you have not necessarily increased your date-ability factor, nor widened your circle of cool dudes and dudettes (re" groupies). I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that a man in a seated position gets less respect than one in a power stance with a mighty electric guitar strapped to their person, jutting out like a huge phallus.

Anyway, so people are not necessarily coming to the store to buy a keyboard/synth as much as they are a guitar or drums, so that makes this job more challenging.

Still all in all, I am learning a whole lot about it, and love interacting with people, especially love putting into their hands the things that, until they walked in the door only existed in their imaginations. A noble thing.

Well, I had better go and pay attention to my other responsibility, such as, 'what time do I need to be at the bus stop', so I am not late for work.

Ciao for now all you lovelies.........

Look what I found!

I opened my old iWeb folder which I thought I had deleted, and found this picture. Ah, the posterity of it all!

Wuzzup 4 2day

Gotta love the lingo of 2day! Rather than criticize it, realize that it is just merely the 'New Slang' of the moment in time. Just accept it and move on to the next 'next'.

Ok, where was I....in my own world.... today I go into work at noon, a bit later than my usual start time, which makes the trip a bit more challenging, since the straight shot but does not come at a convenient time, forcing me to transfer.....ah, not that, anything but that!!!! Hehehe... no problem....actually spent a lot of time yesterday researching product and creating nice stats sheets so I can just study them as I am riding on the bus. The alternative route will only involved an hour of travel, which I don't really mind, cause: I GET to go to work today!

Oh, BTW, I found one of those pumpkins you carved last year: remember this one?????

Off today

Finally arrived at a day off, after 7 days of the new job.

Yesterday kinda wore me out, because I spent 3 hours with Mary Alice, then went to work getting home about 9:30pm.

But yesterday I sold my first larger item, the dbx fast track eq/compression system. It was a pretty easy sell, because the guy who bought it came in knowing what he wanted. Along with that however, I also took several phone calls, and researched a lot of inventory for customers who were calling to inquire about things, and spent time with customers talking about the various differences between keyboards, synths and workstations. I also spent a bunch of time re-merchandising the floor organizing the synths into companies: Roland, Korg, Yamaha. I did a bit of research on these companies as well and found out that they are all, I repeat ALL Japanese companies. Where the hell would we be without the huge musical market potential this culture has introduced????

Along other lines, I passed my Keyboard/Recording Certification Exam. You have to get 90% or better to pass. Tired taking the C level, but can't get above 87%??? The questions are tricky, as they ask you stuff that is not discussed in the study guide....fukerz! Anyway, I love this job, and feel as if I am being paid to go to school. How awesome is that!? I am reminded of 10 years ago when I was at Duquesne working towards my degree in the Music Technology department. Unfortunately, I never finished it in that department, but transfered to Sacred Music and Organ. In hindsight, everything has worked out for the best, because now here I am, pursuing a new passion without the stress of worrying about finances. Debt free! Thank you Wendy! :-)

Seems that this Thursday is All Saints, and so the church where I sub wants me to assist with 2 of the 4 services, so that will work out, as I am not on the schedule to work. Serendipitous. This job will radically increase my income potential; it will be very helpful, at least until they hire their next music director. Wonderful thing as, for the last 30 years at this time of the year, I would be beginning my frantic push to ramp up for the holiday season. I can't tell you how incredible it feels to be out of THAT loop!

So, for today I will just work on my certifications, and lay around enjoying the peace and quiet of my life. thank God!

7 day work week?!

OK, so today I am going in for my 7th day of training. But the news is that I am off tomorrow, and since "The Car" will be unavailable due to inspection (yeah for all you non- PA residents, it's just another government ploy to extract more dollars from the pockets of the working slob) and so I'll be forced to just set at home and surf the net for info about 'my' inventory. Which I will love doing, BTW, since I am learning a whole new way of life and living.

Yesterday was very interesting to say the least. I started with playing a morning service at 8:30am, then buzzed over to my j-o-b at Guitar Centers [as Keyboard/Pro Audio Consultant thankyouverymuch] put in my time till 3pm, drove home, then went back over to the church to play another service at 6:30. It made for a busy Sunday, but I like the new direction that my life is taking.

After that came home and researched products on the web, and dove into bed about 10:30pm. Oh yeah, almost forgot to mention that Diane called to let me know that she is now in the burg as planned till today actually, and we set up a plan to meet for lunch before I go to work and she heads off to Utah, back to life in the slow lane [NOT!]

Woke up this morning, drove Sue to work, and headed on over to Mary Alice's to do my usual Monday morning routine helping her out. So now I am home typing and keep you all abreast of things as they develop. In about an hour I leave to take the car over to Sue, and she will then drive me to meet Diane for lunch, after which, Diane will drop me off at work at 2pm. I work till 9pm.

What a busy week! It will be great to have tomorrow off, then work Wednesday, and have Thursday off as well.....but Thursday won't really be a day off, since the church I am subbing for has All Saints day services scheduled, and so I will most likely be doing 1 or 2 of those.

That's all for now.......

Developments

Yesterday proved to be increasingly invigorating.

At my new job I began certification process and also took time to get to know the inventory that I was dealing with.

So I made lists [ shut up- I'm an ENTJ, I love lists...] of the various items in the catalogue: keyboards, synths, workstations, controllers, amps, checked out their specifications and began to do a comparative sutdy on why one item should be considered over another that basically looks the same and seems to do the same thing as the other item. I'm having a hard time keeping all this stuff regulated in my brain. It's a lot of info to maintain and have on hand at any given moment. And of course [there it is again, damned ENTJ] I have to have it be perfect, RIGHT NOW DAMMIT! Hahaha........

So, in the meantime, they called me from a parish in the South Hills to help out subbing two masses on each weekend to pick up the slack for the 87 year old organist, who was looking forward to getting a break! Sweet Jesus! I went after work to meet with him and the pastor to talk about the situation, and met such an incredible 'old' man. What a dynamo, for that age, he reminded me of the monks at Gethsemani. Anyway, it turns out that I will be playing an 8:30am and 6:30pm service on Sundays, and it won't interfere with my Sunday work schedule at the store. Tada! There goes god, rearranging the furniture again.

Well, I have to get ready and leave soon. Already I'm feeling the crunch for time, as I spend more of it, surfing the net to garner info on the products I am selling.

But I don't feel negative stress, it's all good.......later tater

The cathedral of musical expression

Wow is all I have to say. I feel like I'm really being thrown under the bus in my new work as keyboard consultant at Guitar Centers. Yesterday I finished the initial training, got walked through a checklist of steps necessary to begin working on the floor. I have to mention that I feel much smaller today than I did yesterday, now that I am more aware of all the things that I DON'T know. I know I'm not supposed to compare my insides with anyone else's outsides, but invariable it is happening. Well, at least I am aware it is happening, and I have the option to choose to continue to let it fray me. Or I can allow my own dynamic frequency to shift along with the demanding challenge of a new way of being. This is after all what I was hoping for. That my own spiritual and psychic frequency would become modulated along more authentic lines.

I mean I am now in the land of badass dudes, a land that I previously avoided all my life. These guys are incredibly astute and knowledgeable about the materials they work with, and they are incredibly smart and street savvy as well. And I'm old enough to be the fathers, but here I am cast into the abyss of their hi-fi culture world, which feels more like sci-fi.

I love the fact that I am being thrust into this titllating and dramatic experience of learning a new way to interface with the public. I see all these guys being true to their passion of pursuing this dream, riding on the coattails of the output of the mighty brains that figure out how to manifest these incredible products which in turn afford humans the opportunity to celebrate their talents and realize their own manner of musical expression, bringing joy to the world, putting musical power into the hands of individuals, rather than a chosen few.

It is so contrary to the life I tried to force myself to fit into for so many years. The world of organized institutional religion. A world of hypocrisy and judgment; of deceit and adulation of and enshrinement of hetero-cultural values.

This sub-culture world is a phenomonal world that is anti-thetical to that world, and how they both co-exist is mind boggling. One hates the other, and the other could care less. And all the while, people are using the machinery created by the one to achieve the maximum amount of powerful spiritual expression which the other believes is within its power to dictate, dominate and control. Yes, indeed, the cathedral of musical expression has rocked the boat of the religious right, creating a world that truly unites people in the dimension of music, in a way the organized church could only dream of.

So I find myself at a crossroads. On one hand, I find I am frozen in a moment of hesitation: should I stay or should I go, can I really do this? Am I 'cut out' for it? Do I have what it takes to dedicate myself to the grind that this life demands. I mean after all I am no spring chicken, and this world seems best fitted for those who are. On the other hand, something in me wants desparately to answer all those questions with a resounding positive YES! To prove to myself while I have the opportunity that I am not so different from the others who have been giving the talent for cultivating an inborn gift/resource --- this penchant for artistic expression through music.

I have to stop looking at the glass half-full. I have to grab that phone when it rings and not worry about what I am going to say; be willing to say the wrong thing and be chided by my fellows for tripping over my own two feet, rather than always having to 'look like' I'm in control. I have to allow myself to takes risks, to not care if I succeed or fail, to walk into the fire and let it consume me. Will it hurt? Probably....but then again, what is the alternative? My life is not over yet. I have a lot more to give, and I'll be damned if I'll piss any more of it away on a career in church music that has only served to smother me and the rest of the world with its blanket of self righteousness and injustice.

I GET to go to work today!

Yesterday the store manager was in and I spent a bunch of time studying the employee 'bible'. There are 8 sections with tons of 'how to' info, and a quiz at the end of each section. Hahaha!

This company is awesome in that it takes very seriously the formation of its associates. And it makes sense that they would do that, becuase it really raises the level of an employee form that of being merely a clerk to actually being a sales consultant. I love that term. I am a waste disposal engineer (ie garbage man). Haha.

At any rate, I am learning more about the keyboard department since that will be my gig: keyboard consultant. Hey, you wanna buy a keyboard ?...., um er, rather, hey you WANNA buy a keyboard.

So I am rather excited to go an learn more and eventually get onto the floor meeting prospective customers. But first I need to really learn about the products so I can have the best info at hand. Guitar Centers really takes seriously its integrity and sincerety values, so I have a great deal of respect for a company that does not want to consume the consumer, although there is a bit of manipulation that goes with being a 'salesman'. But that's where the difference lies with this company. This company is really offering its customers a way of achieving their vision and dream for their own penchant for musical expression, so they are not trying to give people something they don't need or want. Delightful!

Also, in the drama of yesterday, I wanted to try to continue to remain faithful to my plasma donation, but I went right away at 7am when the doors opened, and I was still 10th in line! By the time I got outta there I had just enough time to drive to work, and got there with only 3 minutes to spare. I don't like that! I am usually at least 1/2 hour to 15 minutes early. So I am going to have to rethink donating plasma twice weekly.

Well, I gotta go get ready for work; more updates to follow.

Day once of the new job...oopps!.....I mean, career

For those of you who are waiting to read about how my first day at the new job/career fared I happily post a positive report.

Started out with a 10 minute hike over to the bus stop up at Obey and Steuben. The bus was about 10 minutes later than the schedule indicated, which put me a bit on edge, because, well, I am obsessive/compulsive about things happening when they are "supposed to". Good, lesson learned.

Next I arrived at work precisely by 9:30am, a half hour prior to my start time, and the bus took me right to the door. Pulling into the parking lot at the same time I arrived was Dave, my buddy from Duquesne days, who also happens to be associate manager and who was involved in my lengthy hiring process.

After a few moments of hello's and introductions with the other sales guys, I right away got to spend time with the regional manager who happened to be at the store this day. He gave me a lot of info about two classifications of microphones that the store has in its catalogue. I am really glad I studied about them when working on my technology/composition course of study at Duquesne. Condensor, dynamic, tube, phantom power, cardiod, hypercardiod, FET.... etc, I won't bore you with this terminology which mean zilch to you, but I had my notebook and pen in hand! And yes, he took them away and quizzed me! No pressure. It was all in good fun.

So now it's 10:30am, the time for the daily 'pep talk' in everyone is expected to participate in role plays that help to get the staff focused and ready to greet the public.

After that, Matt and I spent more time together in the Keyboard section [which, BTW, is the area where I will be assigned once I get out of training]. We discussed the tree main lines of workstation sold by the company: Yamaha, Korg and Roland, and each of the 3 levels in each series. Then we spent time with the high end Roland creating a sequence with drums bass and piano. Working with synthesizers is not a problem for me, because that is in fact what I used to create all my song files. I think I will do well in Keyboards.

After that, Dave gave me about 2 hours worth of training DVD's to watch; they were very much Guitar Center specific, but general info about how to sell, and the sales philosophy of this company. I won't goi into detail about that here, for obvious reasons, but suffice it to say I learned a lot, but none of it confused me, and made total sense. I anticipate the time I will be able to begin practicing my 'technique'. Heheehee!

In all of this there was a lunch break, and before you knew it, it was time to meet Suze, who drove back over to pick me up. That was nice. I like being part of community, especially one that is my blood family, because I missed out on that all these years living away from home.

I couldn't wait to get home and devour that home made chili that my brother in law Tom had cooking on the stove. I added some of my 'monks' habenera pepper sauce and thought I died and went to heaven. Yum.

After that, threw in some laundry, cleaned my head and beard up a bit the took a shower, and it is now 8pm, and here I am. Tada!

So now the issue becomes how I fit in my plasma donation twice a week. So me n' Sue decided that I would take her car and go at 7am when it opened, then go right to work after that, and she would have someone drive her over to her car after work; Tom would drive her in to work in the morning. That will help out; I want to keep up my schedule of 2 times per week donations, in order to maximize my 'reward'. If you donate regularly, the stipend paid increases. Besides, it will bring me closer to my goal of completing phase 3 of my dental surgery by next year.

I have a good feeling about the way my life is going now and I look forward to what tomorrow brings.

I'll keep you posted!

I am psyched!

One of my favorite bands is coming to Pittsburgh in November

Sanctus Real: visit their website linked at the sidebar



Here is "The Face of Love" from their recent release.

The Face Of Love Lyrics


I’ve seen your face on stained glass, in colored lights
In pictures of you looking to the sky

You’ve been portrayed a thousand different ways
But my heart can see you better than my eyes
‘Cause it’s love that paints the portrait of your life

The face of love
The face of love
You look more like love everyday

I’ve read your words in the pages of your life
And I’ve imagined what you were like
I may not know the shape of your face
But I can feel your heart changing mine
And your love still proves that you’re alive

The face of love
The face of love
You look more like love everyday

You are the face that changed the whole world
No one too lost for you love
No one too low for you to serve
So give us the grace to change the world
No one too lost for me to love
No one too low for me to serve

Let us see...
Let us be your face


Also, check out their MySpace page

The latest update on the unfolding drama of my life

Okay kids here's the latest:

I went to Mary Alice's today to help her out as I usually do on Monday mornings after dropping Sue off at work, came home had lunch.

Next thing I know:

hello...this is Chris at Guitar Center, when can you start?

"um, yesterday, um, I mean, tomorrow?"

...... I know I should be ecstatic, as in "yeah! I get to go to work tomorrow and sell musical stuff!!! I have to admit, I have enjoyed these past 6 weeks of just being a tumbleweed. Still, I'm sure once I jump in with both feet, the excitement will begin to effervesce from deep within




......... tomorrow, tomorrow, you're only a day a========way!

Shins Video "Phantom Limb"

Check out the Shins

The Shins "Phantom Limb"

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Yesterday continued

So there is more to write about October 18th, yesterday.

One of the things I had done in a frantic attempt to get work, was to send an email to all the local churches who were advertising positions in the American Guild of Organists Pipelines newsletter.

The interim senior pastor from one of them emailed yesterday about interest in being their interim organist, and asked that I phone them. So I did, and got voicemail, so I anticipate a call back about that sometime today.

So, with the job at Guitar Center in sales, the sub work as organist, the plasma donations, the assistance on Monday that I give to Mary Alice, my blind friend and fellow Bill W compadre.....I think life will have a very enjoyable trajectory to it.

Keeping track of daze

As I sink deeper into the haze of passing days I find it more and more important to mark the events of lack of events that occur in my life, as I wait for the next corner to turn, the event that will propel me off in a new direction, a new dimension of possibility, of sight sound and mind....etc .... a new twilight zone.

Yesterday proved to be a day of challenges. I was surfing the net, checking out the open stages in Pittsburgh, and, to be certain, there are many more of them now than there was 15 years ago when I used to play Rosebud and Bloomfield Street Cafe with some regularity.

So anyway, I was checking out the state of open stage in the burgh, and came across the Club Cafe website. This little space located in the South Side was announcing that Ellis Paul would be performing there that evening, which was quite exciting, as I have been a fan for about 15 years now. I discovered Ellis on my Putamayo compilation CD which showcased him singing "Last at the Table"

Last at the Table from the album Stories

Preacher won't you preach to me,
I need a pint of philosophy.
I'm hurt and thirsty, set me on my way.
Mondays come and Mondays go,
But this one seems to be sort of slow.
Can you tell me sir, when will there come a change?
I'm the one who's last at the table,
I'm the one who never gets the gold.
You're the one who says I'm able,
But you turn your words with lies and fables...
Mothers won't you cry for me,
I'll sell your tears for a token fee
On a street corner where drunk patrons stand laughing.
And they'll stop, they'll stare at me,
Scratch at their heads, "How can this be?"
I'll say, "I was born like you, --
" then I'll startin dancin'...

Hello, Mr. Bureaucrat.
You pick who's thin -- you pick who's fat.
Now what makes you so fit for the shoes you walk in?
In an office space you get a taste
For paper money and paper waste.
Now who gets what depends on who is talking...

© Ellis Paul Publishing (ASCAP) 1994

I loved his sound and his message. Of course, it resonated with me, as at the time, I had a glass half-full mentality, and was into seeing myself as lacking something.

However, as Ellis stayed true to his art , he remains a very passionate and powerful voice. His new CD coming out soon proves to be more of him, but better and more polished, with much more subtle dynamic expression; and he has definitely evolved.

So anyway, I went ahead and purchased a ticket online....I had never been to the Club Cafe before and didn't know what to anticipate as far as seating. All I could think of was my last concert experience which happened to be shared with Wendy when we went to experience the Shins performance at the First Avenue in Minneapolis when I lived there, prior to my foray into the monastic vocation. Our attendance at that concert was not really all that inspiring, even tho James Mercer was indeed at his best, and I just loved being in the same room with him and the band. The thing that kinda ruined the experience for me was the fact that people all around were talking as if they had paid good money for nothing. I mean, if we all paid for the privilige of being in the space, then shut the fuck up and let everyone enjoy the benefit of their dime. Jeez! So here I am, anticipating going to hear Ellis, with this black cloud hovering, and wondering if I really wanted to bother. I tried to talk myself out of going; after all, I would need to take the bus, and would have to walk over to the South Side from downtown, which I really didn't mind, cause I love to walk; and then of course there was the chance of rain.... many different excuses for not staying home and just doing the easiest thing for the evening: sitting at the computer, mindlessly surfing the internet, thinking about what I would do for dinner......the whole escape into preoccupation with sensual satisfaction.

I actually had to give myself a pep talk, to help me realize that were I to just stay home and veg, then I would be missing an opportunity to expand my horizons....that it would probably be a good thing to get out and experience the type of sound system that was installed in the venue, you know, good for the new career that I am about to enter in sales for Guitar Center. Of course, I wanted to just sitck with what was predictable, comfortable. Going to hear Ellis meant so many new things, which all seemed like so many hurdles to jumb, and I wouldn't muster up the motivation to lift my leg to take the first step. Boy, do I feel a bit stupid admitting all this. Did I have the energy to walk down to the bus stop, walk across town, sit in alone in a roomful of strangers? NO!

But, I went anyway. I pushed myself out the door, stood at the bus stop waiting as the homebound passers-by in cars gawked and I gawked back. I got off the bus at the Duquesne Incline and crossed Carson street, rather than take the entire trip into town, I walked to the South Side along the river where they have now now have a bikeway.

Once I was there my attitude shifted from indecisive to gratitude for having decided to go after all, because the walk alone was worth the time. If you have never been to Pittsburgh in the fall, you are missing an incredible experience. Invariably, no matter where you are in this town, you are surrounded on all sides by sloping hillsides covered with trees, and now those tress are beginning to show their best fall foliage. Exquisite! I was so moved by the beauty of the living artistic moment, and realized it was a unique moment that would not have been otherwise experienced, had I just stayed home. The 45 minute walk from the bus stop to the Club Cafe was the high point of my month! And it was certainly a disarming moment, taking my mind off of the pressure of the last 6 weeks to market myself in a new location, seeking a job and all that goes with that. I was really, really glad I went.

Plasmacity again

So i went today for my 3rd time donating plasma. I am beginning to believe that it's best to go as early as possible; the earlier you go, the less of a wait time. I plan to go again on Saturday, and to be there close to 7:00am when they open.

On other fronts, I went yesterday to Guitar Center to fill out my HR info, and got my employee handbook, and so I am officially employed! Yea me! Now I just need to wait until Chuck, the manager calls me, and gets me on the schedule. Dave, the ass man [associate manager.... I couldn't resist...when will I grow UP!???] told me yesterday that they would give me a call and I should be on the schedule by Monday or Tuesday. They have to get my info keyed into the time clock. I have not punched a clock for 22 years!!!! My work in music ministry has always been salaried.

Along the lines of revisiting the past, while I was in the plasma chair just cogitating away, I was looking all around at the flurry of activity, and noticing the diversity and variety of peoples; their differences and similarities, and recognizing how each one of us is a unique world unto ourselves. What a blessing to be able to love each and all of creation without prejudice. I now accept this ability as a gift, a talent, no less a gift than is a musical talent, or a talent for crunching numbers, decorating interiors and so on. I love loving people without fear; caring about them, and feeling deeply for them without regard to their shape, class, color, race, orientation and all the rest. To see them as uniquely individual, and as being the most important creation ever made.

........

Things will be different

After today.... my month long vacation from care will be going away.

For today I go to talk with the HR person about beginning my new j-o-b at Guitar Center. Yeah!!!! No really! I am definitely looking forward to doing something different with my musical talent; and who knows, I have had to be a salesman for 30 years in a career in music ministry, so why should I not succeed.

After dropping Sue off at work, I went over and got my PA license reinstated. It was very odd, because I walked into the building and got served right away, without the slightest wait. I think the whole thing took me about 19 minutes from in to out. I now have a PA license. Do you think I could ever be wanted in both states? ....the state of dress and undress....... i mean, the state of MN and PA?.... I'm not sure where I was going with that....but....where was I......

Then I stopped an looked for a few clothes bargains, in case I have to beef up my wardrobe for the new job. Something tells me tho, that I will not be expected to be dressed to the 9's in this environment; maybe casual, maybe less.....we'll see after the paperwork is filled out today. I promise a full report.

Can I share a secret with you all? I am going to miss this carefree tumbleweeds existence. Having no responsibility has been wonderful....so has having no bills, either. Just getting up and c all day, going to help Mary Alice on Monday mornings, and giving plasma 2X a week has felt like a full plate!? How will I ever fill a 40 hour work week into that? Before you know it, I will find myself on the treadmill again with everyone else. But at least this time, I will be engaging in something without preconceived ideas about how it 'should' be.

Actually, I have been rehearsing saying: "good morning, how may I help you" .... it feels really odd to me to be practicing this in front of a mirror, without feeling inauthentic. Oh well, I guess there's gonna be a learning curve involved. Imagine that: me, a salesman.

We'll have to see what happens.

...

Today

Today I got up and went in to the plasma place to donate for my second time. I caused quite a stir with the office staff because I wore my hooded tunic. Boy the chilluns was all up in the back office whoopin and hollarin. It was funee.

So this time, it did not take as long, proably about 2+ hours from home, back to home. The place was not that crowded either, though.

When I got back, comcast had returned the service after having it shut off for nearly a day.

Well, next Tuesday I go to sign-on for the job with Guitar Center. I am really, really looking forward to embarking on a new career....one that is completely different than music ministry, my former, 30 year career. Now I get to try my hand at sales. I think I'll make a good salesman. Mind you, it will not be as lucrative as that which I had become accustomed to over the last 8 years in Minneapolis, but, all things being the same, I will revel in the new sense of purpose, and also in the experience of intersecting with the public in a manner in which I don't feel as if I have the upper hand, if you know what I mean.

What the Fugh!?

Evil stuff is swirling in the air.......

About the job search:
1. Sheetz called me yesterday and set up an interview, so I went over there at 5pm and took their computerized exam. Passed, moved on to the next leg of the process, which was to make an appointment to come back, and this morning, get the paperwork necessary to take with to the urine test. Also found out that I needed to have a criminal record check in PA and MN. OK, so I am hired there contingent upon the receipt of positive results on the pee test and the background check. Yeah! Let's do a happy dance!

....................but, wait a minute!!!

2. ring, ring ring: um hi Ron, this is Guitar Center calling to offer you the job if you are still interested.....what the fugh!? Well, now I have a choice to make....what the fugh!? God, can u make up my mind already or what (the fugh!?)

Also, more evil swirlies: comcast, the illustrious cable company came to the worng address today and turned off the service at our residence......they can't tell the difference between our street (which begins with a "C") and "Elmont" which is 3 blocks up the street. So at 2:30pm they abruptly turned it off, and left us hanging for 5 hours, till Rachel and Sue came home to call and check out the situation. They said, basically, ooops! our fault we'll fix it Sunday.....what the fugh!? No, call them back and tell them they'll fix it tonight (what the fugh!?)

So here I am at mom's on her computer, obsessively compulsively checking email and blogging until the time when things return to 'normal'.

Tomorrow morning I will go to plasmacity for my second donation, which will pay me $30. Scoop is I can make $130 every two weeks for donating plasma. $260 a month is that sweet or what? Sure beats the hell outta nuttin, honey!

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


There, I feel much betteer now.........

Time to go to Giant Eagle....TTFN

Plasmacity

So, after escaping from the downtown DMV, I ambled over to the plasma place just to check into my availability for qualifying.

On line they said you needed a social security card, drivers license and some piece of mail establishing your qualification. Well, establishing residency is nearly impossible if you don't have a job!

Are you beginning to see how much this sux? Had I a crystal ball before leaving the monastery, would I have chosen to stay? Not on your life, because that life was only meant to be a temporary moment for me. It was supposed to center me in the plane of righteous self-assessment, and lead me out of the labrynth of self-deceit and into the valley of eternal supplication.

On arriving at the plasma place, I immediately encountered yet another form of broken humanity, mine in particular, and everyone's in general. It was yet another 'sign-in, sit and wait' places, just like the DMV. Only this place was totally staffed by 95% of african americans and the clientele were also about the same percentage. How scary is that to find yourself to be the only grain of salt on a plate full of pepper. Talk about reversed roles.


Believe it or not, it was beginning to dawn on me that in all of my prayers and supplications, God was granting me my prayers and, like ole ebenezer, showing me the reality of my existence, as, when all is said and done, that I am really no more than the son of a poor west end family, whose uninspired lives relegated them to finishing their days as couch potatoes, immersing themselves in the escaping balm of alcohol and channel hopping.

Reality Bites again, but this times with eyes, full open, begging the challenge to a staring contest.

Back to Plasmacity: I got called to the front desk and they asked me to present my information, and as it turned out, they would accept my checkbook as proof of residency. So after jumping thru that hoop, I had to jump thru several more. Finally after answering all their questions, I was taken to a pre-screening booth and had my finger pricked, blood taken and checked for vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Passed that, and was taken to a medical exam. Passed that and finally made it into the big room, full of stations where the blood was actually drawn, and settled into the 45 minute procedure.

I made $25 and was told that I could come back again in the next 7 days, donate again, and receive $30. In fact I could make up to $130 every two weeks.

That sounded OK with me, but I am not sure about the time element, but then again, what else to I have to do with my time?

Other perspectives: as I sat in the waiting area, I realized that I had a lot in common with most of the black men who were there; much more in common that I would normally admit to.

For instance, we both had our genesis in economically depressed communities and circumstances. Although, as a privileged white guy, I had a lot more opportunities to delude myself into thinking that I could be something more. In experiencing that moment, I recognized myself in them, and in that recognition, was able to fast rewind back to the point in my life when I began to plan an escape route from the inevitability of my own destiny. Sitting there was like a sledge hammer battering against the thick armor I had clothed myself in, to protect me from the truth of my shameful social standing.

And now I find myself confronted with the shame I have over being ashamed. And in that I question my own reality.....the memory of the self- I spent years constructing, to avoid this very moment of recognition of my own poverty in contrast to the richness of the lives of others.

Comparisons.

Why is it that I have been dealt the envy card?

It has led me to build a life that consists of a series of escape routes:

+escape from being born low class
+escape from a sense of unworthiness by seeing myself as gifted in the eyes of my peers, yet, in comparison to others along the continuum of giftedness, feeling myself much less talented. And on top of that, to be driven to prove my worthiness --- not just for the sake of celebrating the gift itself, but to prove that I matter. What a handicap! I feel such a fool!

OK, so lieing on the transfusion table, I am thinking about all this stuff as the swirl of ebonics is flying all about the room, and I realize how disconnected I am from this particular culture; that these good folks who I have judged as unimportant all my life, are in fact very blessed by God to have been given the gift of a sense of connectedness, while I on the other hand, have rejected the very connections that I could have made, but refused, due to my own fear of being stuck with the ramifications, the limmitations and indications of those chosen.

Ugh! My head is starting to hurt. I wonder if I should be introspecting like this. Something inside me tells me that this deconstruction phase that I am going through could be dangerous.