jottings #5

yeah, so i did all that stuff i said i was gonna do. it all went very well. the funeral, the rehearsal, the evening service. came home had something to eat. funny about eating lately. i have been noticing that i feel full only after a few bites. so my stomach hurts, cause i just kept on putting it in, till it was gone. the odd thing is, it was not even all that much. maybe it's age-ing, maybe it's just i am becoming more in touch with what my body is telling me. interesting.... now i guess i could just stop once i began to feel full, but then i'd have to pack up the leftovers and send them off to china, or risk the eternal fires of hell for wasting food. well, i'll probably go for gluttony anyway. hahahaha. i really used to buy into all that crap. it was part of the life of my conscience. i guess i don't have that conscience anymore......boy what a relief that is!

news on other fronts; i googled sia groups and found one in uniontown, about an hour south of pittsburgh. that's a lot of gas, but looks like i'll be heading south on monday night to attend the meeting of survivors of incest anonymous. well, i guess i'm not anonymous anymore, and have not even started. hahaha! i never was good at my own anonymity. shame one me! oh, nevermind, forget that!

so i am a bit excited to begin to meet others in the flesh who share my own particular brand of this disease. it is starting to sink in more and more, that i am not going to graduate from this. i have to surrender to the truth that i have this des-ease in my spirit and emotions, and nothing can cure it, only treat it. and the treatments must needs last til the day i die.

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