Day 2 of retirement .....
Since I began my first professional career in music ministry in 1977, and up until 2016 when I retired, Saturday and Sunday had been the highpoint focus of my work week, and my week's work.
Life became even more complicated when I decided to go back to school to train for my next career as a licensed psychotherapist in PA. That started in 2010, and after a second bachelor (2012) and a masters (2015) I entered the workforce as a therapist full-time in 2016 with. All the while I continued to work in church music, complete all the coursework AND 3 practicums while working simultaneously in music and mental health. I look back on this recent 15 year period and ponder the sheer productivity of this later life stage. I don't know how I did it, but I did!
Now, after propelling full force into the present, and having sustained a monumental drive for all these years, I find myself at odds with the inertia of sudden stopping.
I woke up this morning and was like, "how am I going to structure my life going forward without any plan?" Sure there are things that naturally structure one's day, such as home and healthy hygiene maintenance, but how many minutes a day can cleaning, cooking etc eat up?
One of the new practices I can use going forward, in addition to the tasks of daily living, is this blog.
My interest in journalling goes way back to when my marriage ended in 1984, and I started to track my recovery journey from the over reliance on substances to keep me distracted and decompressed form all the sheer stress of the life at the time. Facing a divorce, responsibility for 3 children, and now having to sustain two households on the subsistence provided through meager low paying jobs. Life was scary then as is it now.
I will figure this out as I go along, one day at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time.
OK, I've just used up 30 of the daily 1,440 minutes I have to spend today. What next? Time to take the laundry out of the dryer and then I'll go from there.
Your patio picture is very reminiscent of your life, both past and present. The blush of sunrise with it's promise, and the ever-present clouds, which can overshadow everything. I suggest you revel in the uncertainty and "emptiness" of your day(s). Enjoy the freedom to do anything you please, even if that is nothing but sitting and enjoying (silence, music, etc.) Read a book, watch a movie, take a nap. Even the hard stuff is now a choice. I had a long and difficult conversation with my daughter this morning. It was difficult because she is experiencing some complicated and hard times. I can't do anything to help, but I can listen and validate her feelings and remind her that she is a strong and amazing woman. If I was still working, I might not be available to hear and support her. I am so grateful that I have the time now. Be happy for yourself and all this wonderful time you have on your hands, because time is the most precious gift of all. Keep writing because I enjoy reading what you write. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteHmm, just read what I wrote, and wish I had read it before I published it. I used "time" a lot. Time to break out the thesaurus. (See what I did there?)
ReplyDelete