Pain = Suffering X Resistance : Acceptance

 

Sc/een.e from a Balcony 2-15-25 7:00am

And there it is ..... finally, snow hits Pittsburgh and I don't have to care one iota! Admittedly,  it is beautiful sitting here from my living room ringside recliner watching the accumulation build up as traffic and pedestrians navigate their treacherous way from here to there. But not this guy ..... I got my popcorn!

Developments ....

So, yesterday, I was supposed to have an onboarding day at my apartment complex for the concierge position I was hired for, supposedly contingent upon providing clearances. That didn't;t happen though, as according to the manager, "hR have not received/reviewed the results". No further information at this point, but I'm wondering if the lack of transparency is something I can live with in the event that the conversation is revived.  If I can survive without depending on a few hundred exa bucks a month, I'd rather remain untethered to the need for working at all. I'm starting to get a feel for the notion of living without a schedule, and I think that position creates space for the extinction of long held brain patterns that keep me tethered to my habitual way of living.

So OK, if I accept that the concierge job will not be part of my future, then the next challenge I face is how to organize my days so that each day has a plan, each week has a plan, each month has a plan, and yes, even down to the minute having its own plan. Does all this seem a bit OCD? Well, taken to the extreme, devoid of flexibility, it's important to remain vigilant about the potential for the development of new brain circuitry that supports growth of neural nets that encourage compulsive behaviors. 

 

The photo inset is a snippet of a book I recently encountered titled "How To Be Old" .... funny how things just appear seemingly out of thin air. Such is the case with this book; the paragraph in questions addresses the very thing I've been wrestling with over the past several blog posts having to do with the very premise of the book. Oddly enough, the book itself is less about how to be old, and more about how to be a writer. At any rate, this book entered the sphere of my wheelhouse and I will allow it to teach me something new, and reinforce something I already know and may be unaware of. 

Fucking pain

So two days ago a gout/arthritis attack flared up, with pain so intense I could not sleep. The flare was new, in my left thumb and wrist, the same place that was affected when I sprained my left elbow and wrist after falling off my electric scooter two years ago. It's hard to determine whether or not this pain is related to that, or if it's just something new, but in either event, not only did it keep me awake, it impeded my ability to practice my harp, which is the only escape I have at this point for distracting myself in this transitional life phase. 

Happily, after applying multiple pain reduction interventions such as heat, sound vibration, TENS unit, etc, I was finally able to sleep through the pain last night.

 

Frustratingly, I woke up this morning to a problem with right eye burning and tearing, which makes it difficult to write this blog today. Bloody hell! All this stuff is related to my neuropathy (I'm guessing)......

This getting old is a real blight, still I hold fast to the Buddhist maxim that reminds me to embrace distress and avoid resisting pain, which will only lead to increased suffering. What else is there to do but accept?